Hey there Martin. Glad to be here. As one of those one-in-ten humans who has the unusual reaction to alcohol that renders me unable to control it once I start to drink, I've set it aside for the past thirteen years and have sought other ways of dealing with life. As a kid I had that funhouse mirror idea that "everybody" was doing, thinking, judging, and being while I was off on the side. I was anxious about fitting in, saying the right things, manipulating the situation so I could feel more comfortable. Alcohol was, for me, a magic elixir that immediately shunted all that stress to the side, dropping from me like a bathrobe. In truth, I had no idea how anxious I was until I suddenly wasn't. When I reached the end of my long road, I had to find another way to live. I realized that I wasn't what I thought I was. You know how when Kramer walked on the set of Seinfeld and everybody applauded? I though I was that. The truth was that for almost everyone I was like the extras in Happy Days who stand around the jukebox having conversations nobody can hear, characters so minor they have neither names nor credit. That was a big pill to swallow, but it was somehow empowering to relinquish the oh-so-special idea and become an observer. I've been reading Paul Theroux's new novel about Orwell as a Burma policeman, and how the painfully awkward Eric Blair developed the shrewdly observant alter-ego George. It's given me a lot to think about.
When I think of how callow and foolish most of my judgments have been, I am much less concerned about anyone else's. There is no "everybody," not do "all of them" ever say or think anything in unison. We're all extras here.
Thanks for the column. I look forward to more. Feel free to poke around my Substack, too. I've let it languish of late but I may soon be back to posting stuff on the regular.
Thirteen years, good for you man! That idea of us all being extras in everyone else's life is profound. So true. That's why I love that David Foster Wallace quote so much. Thanks for being here!
Hey there Martin. Glad to be here. As one of those one-in-ten humans who has the unusual reaction to alcohol that renders me unable to control it once I start to drink, I've set it aside for the past thirteen years and have sought other ways of dealing with life. As a kid I had that funhouse mirror idea that "everybody" was doing, thinking, judging, and being while I was off on the side. I was anxious about fitting in, saying the right things, manipulating the situation so I could feel more comfortable. Alcohol was, for me, a magic elixir that immediately shunted all that stress to the side, dropping from me like a bathrobe. In truth, I had no idea how anxious I was until I suddenly wasn't. When I reached the end of my long road, I had to find another way to live. I realized that I wasn't what I thought I was. You know how when Kramer walked on the set of Seinfeld and everybody applauded? I though I was that. The truth was that for almost everyone I was like the extras in Happy Days who stand around the jukebox having conversations nobody can hear, characters so minor they have neither names nor credit. That was a big pill to swallow, but it was somehow empowering to relinquish the oh-so-special idea and become an observer. I've been reading Paul Theroux's new novel about Orwell as a Burma policeman, and how the painfully awkward Eric Blair developed the shrewdly observant alter-ego George. It's given me a lot to think about.
When I think of how callow and foolish most of my judgments have been, I am much less concerned about anyone else's. There is no "everybody," not do "all of them" ever say or think anything in unison. We're all extras here.
Thanks for the column. I look forward to more. Feel free to poke around my Substack, too. I've let it languish of late but I may soon be back to posting stuff on the regular.
Thirteen years, good for you man! That idea of us all being extras in everyone else's life is profound. So true. That's why I love that David Foster Wallace quote so much. Thanks for being here!
Great thoughts Marty! I like the gradually cooling turkey mindset.
Thank you for the shout out! This was great.
I really enjoy your writing, Courtney. The honesty baked into it has shown me (and everyone) how powerful that kind of truth telling is.
Thank you, Martin! What a nice thing to say.
Love this! The taboo topic is ever present. Thanks for giving it an honest voice.
Thanks, Andy! It was pretty amazing talking to people beforehand how many thoughts most have on it, but never discuss them. Taboo, indeed